Submitted by: Darcy Scott, Cultural Peer Advocate at Allegany Seneca Strong
My name is Darcy Scott. I’m 39 years old, from the Seneca Nation – of the deer clan and I am an addict. I am not defined by calling myself an addict, it’s a disease that can only be self-diagnosed and is treatable one day at a time. I have been in recovery since October 21st 2017, by the help of other addicts like me, the services of the Seneca Nation Behavioral Health Unit and the Seneca Strong peer recovery program. Through-out my recovery I’ve been connected to the ceremonial life of the longhouse; as well other tribal ceremonies of Turtle Island.
I believe I am defined by the actions I take in my life today; and not by the things I have done in my “active” using days. Once upon a time, a long time ago, I started using Oxycontin (a narcotic) at the age of fifteen years old. I can remember the feeling like it was yesterday, though I’m still not sure why I tried them. That was the start of a long journey on a road of destruction – to myself and the ones that love me. In the same breath, I can say it started the road to finding out who I really am and what I was trying to hide about myself, which I don’t really like. I got clean for the first time at the age of twenty-four and stayed clean for six years. I believe I used again, because I stopped doing the things that helped me maintain my recovery. After I relapsed, there was a number of reasons to continue to use and I continued to dig myself deeper into the addiction. Shame, guilt and remorse all play a role in my disease. Basically, I didn’t know how to handle my thoughts and my emotions, so I used. My addiction got to the point of over dosing, which wasn’t intended, to another time being in the hospital for eleven days; two of which I was on a ventilator. It’s scary to think of now, but at the time – I was loving the drugs I was on while in the hospital. That’s my addict mind working. I continued to use for a while after those episodes, until one day enough was enough. Too much was going on in my life and I couldn’t handle the struggle to continue to search, find, use and repeat.
It takes a lot of energy and a lot of resources to use! It’s like starting out at a blackjack table with a hundred dollars, building up to five thousand dollars; betting a hundred a hand, and then losing it all again. That’s the addict inside of me, complete unmanageability but always thinking the next hit would be the one to make me feel better. Addiction is a vicious cycle and it seemed to me that I was all alone, except I was surrounded by people who used drugs like I did. My body was breaking down, my mind was all over the place, my emotions were non-existent and spiritually, I was lost and broken.
The first few days of recovery were the fiercest. I felt like a had a bad flu bug, with cold sweats, nausea, mental torture and body aches that seemed like they were coming from the inside of my bones. I felt like I couldn’t talk to anybody or go any-where to do anything for myself. I remember asking the creator for help, though. That’s Continued on page 11
who I could talk to. I began to journal my thoughts and luckily, my daughter was there and I had to take care of her It’s amazing – the strength and resiliency of our children.
I began to reach out to some men that are in recovery. I began to pray again and slowly build a relationship with the Creator as I understand him. As I grew in recovery, my routines began to grow stronger as well: continued prayer, meditations, I started growing tobacco and that in itself is building a relationship. My daughter and I would talk to our baby plants often; and watered them until they grew. I planted white corn for the first time ever and various other crops; which gave me something to do with my idle time. My snowsnake teammates picked me up during the winter time to play the game I love. They shared their knowledge and gave me more instruction about of shaping sticks. I have a tremendous respect for the men at the track and the game, it helped me to heal. I have learned the techniques of making lacrosse sticks. I even made a stick that has found its way to Poland. Hard to imagine: a hickory tree that was in the yard, in Steamburg, is now half way around the world, in Poland. I’m learning, in order to recover, I must remain teachable in the things our ancestors knew and have passed down through the generations, so I could learn.
There’s a principle in recovery that resonates with me: “you have to give it away, to keep it”. That is something I keep in my mind daily, because after being clean once for six years and relapsing, I understand the depth of how far I can fall. To be able to help someone else who might be struggling with their own addiction is good medicine for the both of us. In 2018, I applied to work at Seneca Strong. I was hired on the Allegany Territory and have been working there ever since. My official title is Cultural Peer Advocate, which just means I get to do the cool stuff. Currently, we have a “Red Road to Wellbriety” group every Tuesday at 10 a.m. until noon. I also facilitate a Men’s Talking Circle on Wednesdays at 1 p.m. There is a women’s talking circle on Tuesdays at 1p.m. Thursdays we are currently having a moccasin making class at 10 a.m. and I have a small wood shop that is open to our individuals who are into woodworking projects. We also offer Reiki by appointment, as well as a meditation on Fridays at 10 a.m. We have canoes for up to eight people, which I’m down for anytime it’s warm. I can also take people for hikes in Allegany State Park. At Seneca Strong, we also provide transportation for appointments for detox, rehabilitation and continued after care outpatient treatment. Our normal work hours are Monday through Friday from 8-4:30 and we have an on call phone where we can be reached after hours, if anything comes up. We are Seneca Strong and we are here to help. There are many paths to recovery and we are here to help you along the way on whatever path you choose to follow. If anyone has any questions feel free to call us at: (716) 945-8413.
Everything on the earth has a purpose and a reason for its existence. Every human being is a warrior and every warrior has a song written in his/her heart and that song must be sung or the soul forever remains restless. This song is always about serving the Great Spirit and helping the people. This song is always sung for the people. Many times I need to learn much about the difficulties of life. I need to know this, so I must experience it. Then, I can be of use to the people. Because I am experiencing difficulty, does not mean I have left the path or that I have done something wrong. It means I’m doing the will of the Great Spirit during these times of testing. I need to pray constantly to keep a good attitude.
Great Spirit, this I know – you will never leave me. Only my doubting makes it seem like you do. This I know – your love is always dependable. Only my doubting makes it seem like it isn’t. Today, remove the doubts from my belief system and allow me to stand straight and see you with straight eyes. (www.coyhispublishing.com)
