Submitted by Paula Hill
I’m hopeful this is going to help everyone understand the topic everyone has somehow been affected by. The drug epidemic our community is facing, and has faced for many years, seems almost endless. As Senecas, we have faced so many obstacles in our lifetimes. This is yet another one, but this is a battle that even the counties, states and United States government are having a hard time combatting.
This hits home so hard! Let’s take a look, to see how it’s affected the lives of one Seneca family. Some time ago, I learned that my family had been plagued by the epidemic of cocaine that secretly hides behind the scenes of our community. I’d have to say it’s pretty rampant, similar to the use of crack cocaine. It’s there, but you really don’t know it’s there; unless you’re involved in it. I wasn’t involved in it, but I learned about it, after the fact. It wasn’t until my grown children opened up to me about their own use, that I learned about how many people use cocaine in our community. I was shocked! Needless to say, for one of my adult children, their favored drugs of choice became heroin and fentanyl. That proved to be a very destructive time in our lives. And don’t get me wrong, I am not disregarding marijuana or alcohol because those were also being used as well.
Our family was led down a spiraling path of many trials and tribulations and I can honestly tell you I was terrified upon learning the truth so many years ago. My adult child had become an intravenous drug user! I didn’t know much about the drugs I was hearing about. I didn’t know much about the behaviors I was beginning to see. I didn’t know why our family was falling so quickly into this trap of deceit, lies and theft. Unbeknownst to us, we had become part of an addict’s cat and mouse game. We were bamboozled by every trick in the book; and with every move, we had to become smarter, faster, more aware of what our next move was. We had to set boundaries, not only on our family members, but on ourselves as well. It was a very trying, draining, heartbreaking, traumatic time. And it still is, we just had learned to live with it. It’s never easy and it doesn’t get easier.
The hardest part is consoling my adult children as we live in this fear every day, in silence. Our fears are all right there, but we all have our lives to live. My grown children have children of their own; which means school or jobs. When those feelings of fear creep in, who do they turn to? Who can they openly talk to? I know we are not the only people living in this fear and we are not alone. So many millions of families in this country are suffering. People are dying at alarming rates and we have no answers on how to control it.
Why do so many people try to shame drug addicts or turn the other way? Why do so many people pretend we don’t have a drug problem, instead of learning how to be helpful? Prayers aren’t enough! We need to get on the front lines and reach out to addicts, but not in an enabling way. We need to let our loved ones know we care and we are here for them when they are ready. They need to know they have a home to come back to, with family that is willing to help them learn how to live comfortably again in their own skin – without fear, intimidation, humiliation, hatred and ridicule. We should welcome them with open arms, respect them for any attempt at recovery and listen to what they have to say. We need to accept the journey they chose for themselves; and talk with them about their fears and listen to their stories.
As a community, we have got to learn that this epidemic isn’t going to go away anytime soon. We must teach our young children that with just one try, drugs CAN AFFECT THEIR LIFE FOREVER. It doesn’t ever go away and those that have successfully gotten away have had to work hard to overcome their addiction. Also, our kids need to be taught that drugs bring a life of unimaginable lifestyles and too many people don’t survive. They need to know that drugs leave grieving families and friends and an empty place at the table during all the missed birthdays, holidays, family trips and gatherings. We need to teach them that choosing to do drugs is destructive and leaves a hole in the hearts of people who care about them.
As a mom of an adult child with a heroin addiction, I silently worry, yet, continue to function daily. I care for the family, the children, the home; but in order to move forward, I have had to imagine the unimaginable. For so many years, I lived in constant fear. I have lived with a broken heart, sleep deprivation, many nights – crying myself to sleep and waking up crying. I kept to myself. I was so afraid of the community and the stigma attached to being a family who has a loved one addicted to heroin.
Talk to your kids about drugs!
The thing that has helped the most, is talking openly with my family members in active addiction and recovery. I verbalized my fears and what I was going through and what I had to do. I told them that I had to imagine losing them to move forward, because I had other family members that needed me and a home to care for. The depth of my depression was deep; and I too fell into a very dark place, but I didn’t resort to substance abuse to cope. Instead, I occupied my time with hobbies. After we openly talked about these things and they taught me what they were going through, I was better able to understand how these things had changed their life. Once I gained that understanding, I respected their openness to tell me, adult to adult, with love in their heart. I had to let go a bit and begin living my life again.
I truly believe we, as a community with such diverse knowledge of craftsmanship in many different areas, have the ability to help so many to realize they don’t need to be stuck in the destructive world of substance abuse. They can have hope and live with a clear mind. We have the ability to heal the hearts of many with people right here in our own community. We have buildings that can be utilized with fully functioning areas to allow safe places for people in recovery to stay busy and find their niche in our communities. We have woods, creeks and hunters and fishermen. We have herbalists and people that know the medicines. We have spiritualists, naturalists and so much more. Addicts can recover and take an interest in things that don’t revolve around social interactions of drinking and drugging. They can work with their minds in a broader, more elaborate mindset. I’ve found that the talents are broadened after recovery and awareness is clearer. The one thing we need to realize is a family member coming home cannot come home to an environment that is the same toxic environment they left behind.
I hope we can help each other find some solutions and help our loved ones come back home. Those that aren’t coming home, maybe we can help their children or families find comfort and remind them we will never forget and are still here to offer them the comforts and supports in hopes they don’t repeat the traumas as they heal and grow.
Nya:wëh!
